Office of the Planning Committee
Ref. SC26-STMT-0001 · Released for general distribution
It has come to the attention of the SAINTCON Planning Committee that a rumor continues to circulate among attendees, former attendees, and at least one vendor representative, to the effect that this conference maintains something referred to in conversation as a "cow level." We wish to state, clearly and without qualification, that there is no cow level.
We understand that denials of this kind are sometimes read as confirmations. That is unfortunate, and it is not our intention. A denial is simply a denial. The committee has reviewed the matter at length, in more meetings than the subject warranted, and the conclusion of those meetings was unanimous: there is nothing to review, because there is nothing there. No line item appears in the budget. No volunteer has been assigned.
We would like to address, briefly, a separate and entirely unrelated rumor. No member of the SAINTCON Planning Committee has, or has ever had, mad cow disease. We are not aware of how this particular claim entered circulation, and we have elected not to investigate it, on the grounds that investigating it would give the impression that it merits investigation. It does not. The committee is in good health. The committee has always been in good health. Several members run marathons.
Figures we do not collect
In the interest of transparency, we are publishing the numbers we would have gathered if there were anything to gather them from. They are updated continuously, by nothing, for no reason.
- Minibadges recovered
- …
- Incidents concluded
- …
- Expeditions logged
- …
- Provocations recorded
- …
- Fastest conclusion
- …
- Most present at once
- …
- Present at this moment
- …
By day
| Date | Minibadges | Incidents |
|---|
We are aware that these figures are not zero. We have been asked about this. The committee's position is that a number can be many things, and that one of the things a number can be is a number.
A small number of attendees have written to us describing an unlisted directory, a workbench, or three materials joined into one. We have read every message. We have replied to none of them, because there is nothing to reply to, and because replying would require the committee to develop an opinion on soldering, which is outside our remit.
For anyone with a genuine concern about station systems, the maintenance terminal remains available at /shell, where infrastructure notices are posted as they are filed. It is an ordinary terminal. It does ordinary things. We mention it here only so that nobody feels the need to write to us again about it, and we would ask that visitors treat it with the same courtesy they would extend to any piece of shared equipment.
We are also obliged to note, on advice we did not ask for, that whatever is not happening is most definitely not contagious. Probably. The committee is comfortable with that wording and does not intend to revisit it.
In closing: there is no cow level. There has never been a cow level. Reports to the contrary are the result of confusion, fatigue, the altitude in Provo, or the ordinary human tendency to see a pattern where none exists. We thank you for your understanding, we thank you for attending SAINTCON, and we would ask that you do not bring this up at the registration desk.
SAINTCON Planning Committee
Office of Nothing Happening
